Names often carry spiritual meaning and are seen as gifts from the Creator.  These names often symbolize traits, aspirations, or qualities that parents or tribal elders hope the child will embody. Native American names are not just identifiers but profound expressions of identity, spirituality, and culture. Each name tells a story, carries wisdom, and connects the individual to their community and the natural world.

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My mother's lineage is with the St. Croix Band of Ojibwe. I was given my Indian name by my grandfather when I was just a baby. It is Naazhaanayikwe, shortened to, Naazh for ease of use. That's my spirit name, the name that my Creator, Gitchii Manidoo, calls me by and knows me by. It means "happy little girl" or "funny girl".

My story is not the story of my maiden last name, that name belongs to my father. My story is not the story of my married last name, that name belongs to my sons and their father. My name is Naazhaanayikwe. Writing using that name guarantees that the story is mine and mine alone. It is from my lens, my viewpoint, often dependent on where I was and what was happening during key points in my life.

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One of my greatest fears and something that I have avoided at all costs is conflict with others. The fear of upsetting someone, or doing something wrong, or being negatively or harshly judged by anyone has shadowed joy on many occasions throughout my life. My story includes parts in which I was hurt by others. It includes secrets and things that perhaps my family and/or friends may not feel comfortable with me talking openly about. In doing so, I may upset them; something that I fear doing, even now. Some of that is due to the repairs that I have made in some of my relationships. I don't want my recollections to re-open wounds that have closed. I don't want to create rifts where there are none, or make anyone feel that their own version of reality and/or previous interactions have to match mine. 

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One example is that of my relationship with my ex-husband. Our relationship was like fire and gasoline for many years. He hurt me and in return I hurt him. Years later, I feel that we have both forgiven each other. I have a wonderful relationship with his new partner and at times feel that the two of them are some of my biggest supporters. We coparent well and my children have repeatedly verbalized to me that the only happy memories they have about me and their father have occurred post-divorce. The difficult events that occurred between him and I in the past? My recollection of those evets is not intended to shame anyone or highlight his mistakes or shortcomings. He is a person with a story that has also been influenced by many factors and difficult experiences. He is the father of my children, thus I feel that bashing him is, in essence, bashing half of who they are. He has many positive qualities that he has passed on to them and for that I am grateful. My personal recollections are solely intended shed light on the effect that difficult and traumatic interactions with others have had on me and how they have shaped the person that I continue to evolve into. 

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I work very hard to hold no ill regard for anyone. I can't afford the negative emotional baggage that comes with holding onto resentment.  I have made my amends, I have forgiven. My life, my story, is a work in progress. 

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This is my story and my story alone. The story of Naazhaanayikwe. If you choose to follow me on my journey, I'm sure that we will continue to learn more about each other along the way! Miigwech! (Thank you in Ojibwe)